Monster
by Valcyria
Summary: Nightmare. Just the word make chills erupt. But why do I have to endure them all alone? Why can't somebody save me? Why can't somebody save me from the monster that is nightmares. Songfic, but give it a chance.


A Monster in my bed

Nightmare. Just the word makes chills erupt along my whole spine. And I can tell you that it's not the kind of chills that makes you feel good and excited. It's the kind of chills that makes you want to run and hide under your bed or under your blanket in your bed so you can feel safe and protected. But in my case it's the bed that makes me want to run for cover. Those chills erupt as soon as I just look at... that... thing. And the days moves to fast for my liking.

_Don't want to turn off the light_  
_hope someone hears me tonight._

I hope someone hears me and make the dreams stop but I know there is nobody there to hear me. Nobody is there to help me out. Even Lady Luck has failed me.

_I know there's a snake in my bed_  
_eating its way through my head_

I have tried to stay awake but it's impossible. The longer I have been awake, the worse does they become when I fall asleep. It's like a pressure building up and when I fall asleep it's like a wave that is let loose and comes rolling down on me and crushes me. It's on those nights I find myself retching in the bathroom. So with time I have learned it's best to just go to bed and get over with it. But I just can't stop myself from trying.

_I want to be normal, I want to feel safe_

When other kids dreams about to be like James Bond, Ronaldinho or Armstrong, I dream about being normal. I don't want to look over my shoulder every other second because I'm scared that someone might try to take revenge. I'm always on my guard, but I don't want to. I just want to be able to feel safe again.

_waking up screaming, it's always the same._

I didn't use to scream in my sleep before but now?.. I can't stop. Lucky me that my walls are soundproof. Even if I hope that someone will hear me and come to save me I just don't want it to be Her. Jack is my saviour, on the day. She can make me feel normal on the day but she has already sacrificed so much for me. It's just fair to let her sleep through the nights and let her be somewhat obvious to my violent nightmares.

_I don't want to turn off the light_  
_hope someone hears me tonight._

I have tried to tell myself it's best to get over with it. Better sooner than later. But my brain just won't listen. Every evening I try to tell myself that it's best to just go to bed and get over with it.

It doesn't work. All my instincts scream to me and my brain refuse to fall asleep without multiple meditation exercises or working myself to sleep with homework.

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._  
_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_  
_save me, make it go away._

But it's worst on stormy nights. Have you ever heard the thunder and thought that it sounds like bombs. That's what I hear every time I hear the thunder. My instincts have learned to recognize the sounds of guns and explosions. So every time I hear thunder, goes my body into full fight mode with adrenalin and the whole shit. I can barely keep myself from running. I never sleep on those nights.

_I'm trying to wash of the stains,_

The people I have killed. I wake up every night and see their blood on my body. One night the dream was so bad Jack found me scrubbing my arms until I bled. I was totally out of it, I was halfway in the dream and halfway out of it. I was ashamed, not because what I did but because my last link to a normal life saw me like that.

_try not to think about the pain_

But it's impossible. Sometimes it feels like that all I am is pain.

_I know I've got no place to hide,_  
_God knows the times that I tried_

I have fought so hard but I'm just standing still, and everyday is a struggle and a fight. I just want to run and hide, but where am I supposed to go? I've got no place to go and hide.

_I want to be normal, I want to feel safe_  
_waking up screaming, it's always the same._

Sometimes I'm thinking that maybe it's for the best if I just give up and give in. But no, I can't. I got to get up the another day and keep fighting. I can't stand the thought to give up just like that, to give in to the numbness and the emptiness.

_I don't want to turn off the light_  
_hope someone hears me tonight._

But I know that in the end I will give up. I can't go on like this forever. The tempo is so high and and I will soon be on my last legs. I don't know what will happen then and I don't think I want to know either.

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._  
_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_  
_save me, make it go away._

I want to be able to sleep again. I want to be able to relaxed again. I want to be able to feel completely rested. I want to be able to look in a mirror and not see haunted brown eyes with bags underneath. I want so much that I don't think I ever will get.

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._  
_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_  
_save me, make it go away._

Why me? Why not someone else? Why does it have to be me that got this life? I don't wish this life up on someone else(maybe except for Alan Blunt) but I can't keep myself from asking. It's the selfish part of me that every human being has. The one who says it so easy to ignore when it's other people but not so easy when it's you.

_I want to be normal, I want to feel safe._  
_Waking up screaming, it's always the same._  
_I don't want to turn off the light._  
_Hope someone hears me tonight._

It feels like I lost my hope a long time ago but I can still feel a ghost of hope every night that I will escape my nightmares tonight. That maybe I will get to sleep the night trough for once in a long time. Maybe Lady Luck will stand up for me tonight...

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._  
_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_  
_save me, make it go away._

Why is nobody there? Why does I have to be alone? Who do you ask for help when the people you want to be saved from is the people who you are supposed to get help from? What do you do when you are a alone minor who is abused by your own government, a government that's supposed to exist to protect you?

So many questions without any answers.

_Hold me, tell me everything's ok._  
_Show me there's a way to beat the monster_  
_save me, make it go away._

Somebody help me! Please, I beg you...

A/N Ok I'm new in this and my Beta disappeared... so don't be nice. If you see something that is wrong tell me. I can handle criticism and the more I get the happier I become. Flames that isn't like "you sucks" is completely okey. But any flamers that try to flame just for the fun of it will be grilled, so you are warned. My language kind of sucks but I am after all not an 'Englishspeaker' so hey I got a reason. I am just an student who has learned English in school and writes in English so more people can read and review. I'm not good on review so I understand if you don't review but if you like this story and want to read more, you have to review.

And I'm looking for a beta to check another Alex Rider story I have that is almost done until my real beta has showed up.


End file.
